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8 : 28am is the time as i sit back to write this post.

Quite unusual time to write a post, as i always preferred to write past midnight but making exceptions is good i suppose.

This post is going to be random like hell as what i feel right now is so freaking uncomfortable that i cant even explain.. and i am not trying to explain either..

*Mixed Emotions*

You know, all i want right now is to be detached from all the emotions and dont feel bloody nothing.. not a single thing..

I said once "Feel Jaruri Hai.. and I am a FEEL driven person"

But now, I don't want to be driven by any feel/emotion whatsoever.

All I care right now is That i don't want to care..

You must have got it.. Its an emotional outburst again..


You know what, people come to your life.. Make you feel wanted, become friends.. best friends in fact..
You don't ask for it but you have it at your desk.. All the attention,  appreciation, jokes and all other friendship feelings.. [Note : FYI, there is other gender involved in the friends and i am totally biased about that] My Bad! :P

You get attached to the things/friendship feelings..

Now you have become one Attention sucker, happy go lucky fellow..
And then one fine day, you happen to believe that you are actually one big of a deal..
You were born to shine like a star..

While all this happened due to the people around you..
They made you feel wanted.. They pulled you up..

Your happiness and Your worth become dependent..
Dependent to what?

Dependent to the people around you..
You now don't seem to care about the world around you..
You just see those guys around you.. For everything,
To make you feel wanted again..
To make you happy again..

You are pretty much disconnected to the world outside.. You even neglect the vibes of outside world..

You got Photography/Blog fan messages & Well, You care less about it! *sigh*

All you care about is the friends around you.. You start expecting!


And they have their own life to deal with.. So finally it comes to me as Go Get A Life!
& believe me I have a decent one.. Its just that there is nobody to tell me the same.. :D

And i keep myself busy expecting from my friends, boss, random people, professional photographers..

I don't know.. Whatever i am feeling right now is even true or not.. *mind game*

#NoteToSelf
Become less dependent... less attached and you ll be good to go.. :)

For now, i am looking for a way out..

My problem is that solution to my one problem is to hang onto another big problem so that i can stay out of the other..
*It is a vicious circle and i have taken so many rounds of it that i know what happens next*

It so happens because i create my problems.. My mind creates them.. All of them.. Out of nowhere..
Its a magician.. If it comes to my side, i am sure wonders can happen..

But for now, Its busy making a fool out of me!

I have taken a very big decision this time to break out of this circle... Very illogical.. Irrelevant.. Irresponsible..


I am going to take a break.


I will be back soon. Take Care.

Comments

  1. Good to read a post on your blog. Maybe it is since the "...feel zaruri hai....." days, but I was starting to miss you just taking a "memory-dump" of your emotions in blog posts.... in a great way.

    Make the most of your break.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks KK.. You have been really special for my blog.. :)

      So good to see you here bhai..

      Happy Life! :)

      Delete
  2. good to see you back... hope you will be able to break out of that circle soon..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kirti..

      Good to see you too! :)

      I hope so.. *fingers crossed*

      Stay Around.. Happy Life!

      Delete
  3. Take a break.. listen to some music.. relax.. and u'll be just fine.. :) and if you want to talk.. am there for u meri jaan.. ;) :D Remember.. feel zaruri hai.. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for being there janeman.. :)

      I will come to meet you soon! :)

      Delete
  4. Yes, you have a life and a very decent and awesome one. Now I'm telling you that is liye kripya yaad rakhen. Expectations are natural and so are disappointments. It's a cycle, keep flowing with it. The more you'll resist, the deeper you'll fall. Love n hugs ji, dheer saara.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ellow Suruchi..

      Aap aaye bahaar aayi.. :)

      You know at one point i thought of writing you all about my mental problem and mere a thought of you being there, relieved me so much that i was able to sleep over this thing. :)

      Its good to have you around.. :)

      Lots of love and hugs! :)

      Delete
  5. going through same. :(
    i am able to relate each single word of your post to myself, like, creating another problem just to get the curent one out of my mind. yes, i too do the same. :(

    Good to read your latest post that you have a decision now.
    Wish you bestest of luck Mr. Wedding photographer. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Prerna :)

      Mind games are way too much to handle and i am so sorry for you if you are struck with same kind of problem..

      Thank You So Much for your best wishes.. :)

      And i am working on the problems mentioned, will surely get back once i will be out of it with a solution! :) :)

      Good to see you here.. :)
      Have a Happy Life! :)

      Delete

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